Marriage is for life. This is the Biblical standard. As early as the second chapter of Genesis, we hear God saying, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
Jesus reminds us that marriage makes a couple "no longer two, but one flesh." And He adds, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Mark 10:8-9).
God's perfect will for mankind has never included divorce. But because of what sin did to human nature, God permitted Moses to allow divorce. Jesus explained it in these terms: "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way" (Matthew 19:8).
Divorce is never God's perfect will. Yet there are legitimate reasons for ending a marriage.
1. Death. Obviously, the death of a spouse is a legitimate ending to a marriage. But because of sin, certain other factors may be the moral equivalent of death. These also provide Biblical grounds for ending a marriage.
2. Unfaithfulness. Unrepented immorality kills a marriage just as physical death does. Jesus taught that, when a spouse is sexually unfaithful, divorce is permissible (Matthew 19:9).
3. Desertion. Complete and final desertion may also be the moral equivalent of death. Desertion leaves the abandoned partner in the position of widow or widower, deprived of marital rights.
Unfaithfulness and desertion in a marriage are grounds for divorce. But neither factor makes divorce mandatory. Through repentance and understanding such marriages can be saved.
As for desertion, it's impossible to set any arbitrary time limit for determining when desertion is final. But an abandoned spouse should give enough time to allow for the possibility of reconciliation.
What does all this mean for the Christian? For one thing, a true follower of Jesus will not seek a divorce except on Biblical grounds.
But what if his spouse divorces him (the pronoun is generic here and throughout this article) on non-Biblical grounds? Then he should be patient, holding the matter before the Lord and looking for the possibility of reconciliation. He should continue in this way until his spouse marries someone else or dies; or until he sees, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that the desertion is complete and final.
This brings us to the difficult subject of remarriage. Among Christians, confusion about this issue is widespread.
The problem is illustrated by a man I know who came to Christ after his wife divorced him. The divorce had been caused by his unfaithfulness.
His former wife had married again. At that point some other Christians informed him that only two possible conditions could ever give him Biblical grounds to marry again: 1) He could marry someone else if his former wife should die, or 2) He could marry his former wife again if her present husband should die.
The advice was faulty. My friend's former wife was now "dead" as far as her marriage to him was concerned. And there was no Biblical reason why he could not now marry another woman, even though he had been the guilty party in his previous divorce.
In another example, a man deserted his wife for another woman, whom he later married. "As long as you remain married to your second 'wife," he was told, "you will be living in adultery." The implication was that his second marriage must be dissolved in order for the adultery to end.
This simply is not true. The adultery consisted in the divorce and in the act of the second marriage. But once the marriage was made, even though entering into it was sinful, to dissolve it would only be a further case of adultery.
If such a person wants to get his life straightened out with God, the answer is not to destroy another marriage. Instead, he should repent of his sins, trust Christ as his Savior, and let God take over his life from that point.
God does not demand that a divorced person remain unmarried as a penalty for his having become divorced. The Biblical interpretations given in some circles almost make divorce the unpardonable sin.
Some of the confusion about remarriage arises when people treat divorce and remarriage as completely separate issues. In the Gospels, Jesus regularly considers divorce and remarriage together (Matthew 19:9; Mark 10: 11-12; Luke 16:18). In other words, by the way Jesus treats these issues, He implies that Biblical grounds for divorce are also Biblical grounds for remarriage.
Someone may offer Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 as evidence that the Bible does separate the issues of divorce and remarriage. In this passage Paul counsels wives not to leave their husbands. Then he adds, "If she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband" (v.11).
We must remember, though, that Paul does not use the word for "divorce" here. He uses the word for "separate." And what if we could include the idea of divorce in this passage? Even then, Paul gives no indication that the wife has Biblical grounds for divorce. If not, she shouldn't remarry, but rather seek a reconciliation. This wouldn't necessarily apply, though, if she had Biblical grounds for divorce.
Paul's statement here does not contradict the principle implied by Jesus: that grounds for divorce are also grounds for remarriage. In fact, nowhere does the New Testament teach that divorce is legitimate in cases where remarriage is not permitted.
Further, the Biblical view is that the act of illegitimate divorce itself constitutes adultery, as well as marriage to another person afterward. Remember Jesus' discussion of divorce in Mark 10? "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (vv. 8-9). The clear implication is that breaking the "one flesh" union is sinful and adulterous.
Matthew 5:32 supports this view, although this passage has been almost universally misinterpreted. Most Bible translations are similar to the New international Version (NIV) here: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and anyone who marries a woman so divorced commits adultery."
But Bible translator Ray Elliott points out that the verb translated "causes (her) to commit adultery" is not in the active voice, as it is rendered here. It is, rather, in the passive voice. The phrase should literally read, "causes her to be committed adultery against."
Proper attention to this verb shows that Jesus is literally saying, "Whoever divorces his wife except for immorality causes her to be the victim of his adultery in divorcing her…" Divorce is adultery here.
We must keep in mind that no single New Testament passage gives the complete picture concerning divorce. For example, none of the four Gospel passages state that a woman may divorce her husband if he is unfaithful. But we may assume that this is permitted for a wife as well as for a husband.
Also, Matthew 5:32 and Luke 16:18 state that a man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. But in view of the larger picture we must assume that this does not apply if the woman has divorced her husband on Biblical grounds, or if her former husband has died or remarried.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul states that a wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. He adds that this principle applies to husbands as well (vv. 10-11).
Free to remarry
Then in verse 15 Paul states that if an unbelieving husband or wife chooses to leave a Christian spouse, "let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances" (NIV). Paul adds no admonition to remain unmarried. So the Christian is evidently free to remarry if it becomes clear that the unbelieving spouse has deserted in a final sense.
To summarize:
Beyond all the considerations which we have discussed, we must never lose sight of the fact that God accepts us as we are and where we are. If a person who has been divorced on non-Biblical grounds and has remarried comes to God in repentance and faith in Christ, God forgives him for his sin of divorce just as for all his other sins.
The same is true if a Christian becomes involved in divorce and remarriage on non-Biblical grounds. If he truly repents, God forgives him for his sin just as for all other sins.
One final word should be said. The New Testament gives guiding principles which are permanent and authoritative. But they' are not detailed answers for each specific situation. In life situations, more than one Biblical principle may apply and all must be considered together.
This is true in regard to divorce and remarriage. For example, suppose a husband is not guilty of sexual unfaithfulness, but treats his wife and children with such cruelty that their emotions and even their lives may be in danger. The mother's God-given responsibility for herself and her children might dictate, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, separation or even divorce.
Another example is a wife who deserts her husband and refuses to live with him, then deliberately makes all sorts of extravagant purchases and charges them to her husband's account. In this situation he may be forced to divorce her as his only legal protection from financial ruin.
These examples are not to suggest a weakening of God's standard concerning divorce. Rather, they point out that the Bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage must, in actual situations, be considered together with any other of God's laws and principles which apply. In decisions about divorce and remarriage, as in all of life, Christians are called to walk in the light of Biblical principles and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Rev. Greenlee is a UM minister and Greek scholar under appointment to OMS International. He is a Good News contributing editor and lives in Duncunville, Texas.
This article was originally printed in Good News magazine (September/October 1983).