I admit it. I've struggled to have a quality prayer life. There were times when I felt so close to God during prayer that I thought I could physically touch him, and other times when I felt he was nowhere to be found.
I know that we're not to come to God always expecting goose bumps, rather to pray out of obedience and a desire to know him better. I tried, but I hungered for more.
I tried rising early while it was yet night to prepare spiritual food for my household (Proverbs 31:15). But my husband's job, and consequently my family's lifestyle, makes rising before dawn extra challenging. I soon found myself exhausted and good for little, physically or spiritually.
Once a week I pray with my precious Christian daughter-in-law, but we're called to a daily, personal relationship with our heavenly Father.
I pray when a need arises or the cares of this world press in on me, knowing that regular fellowship with the One who is the answer to my concerns would prevent many of them from reaching that point.
Prayer lists, prayer books, and special outlines—I've tried them all. They were a blessing and brought me to a deeper understanding of prayer, but I wanted more.
God has done great and mighty things as a result of prayer, to be sure. I believe in prayer, but something was still missing from my prayer life. I wanted a relationship, a time of communion with God that was mine alone.
Frequently, I've thought about writing out my prayers as a dialogue with God, but always pushed the notion aside as too impractical. Since I'm also a production-oriented person, I reasoned that more ground could be covered by praying orally rather than in writing. The Lord knows I can talk once I get started.
Recently, I've been reading and meditating on the words of Oswald Chambers in his book, Prayer—A Holy Occupation. In this gem of a book, his brief thoughts on prayer are punctuated by questions we're to ask ourselves. One such question is "Would it help if I were to put my thoughts and prayers into writing?" My heart jumped. Was this God confirming the validity of my desire to do just that? I believe so.
Since that time I've maintained a prayer journal—a combination running conversation with God and spiritual autobiography. It's a permanent record of the things God has done for me and where I've been with him.
It's also a legacy I can pass on to my children and grandchildren someday. I imagine some distant relative finding my journals in a dusty trunk and coming to understand how real a relationship with God can be.
Sometimes my journal contains random thoughts, sometimes bits of revelation, other times a more formal Bible study he has lead me through.
Often, I write out questions for my heavenly Father and wait quietly for his still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12). I wait in faith, knowing I will recognize the voice of the Good Shepherd, and the voice of a stranger I will not follow (John 10:5).
Do I always get an answer?
No, but I frequently do.
Sometimes it comes immediately. Other times it comes later, while I'm reading my Bible or going about my daily activities. But it helps me to have my questions, doubts, confusions, and desires expressed on paper.
I pray freely for members of my family and for others as the Holy Spirit speaks through my pen. Can I cover as much territory as I could by speaking my prayers? Perhaps in the long run I do, because journaling has brought a needed consistency to my prayer life.
Is it the only way to pray or even the only way I pray? No, but I find it gives substance to the line of communication, forming a link from me to God. I can always find him there. After all—he is the One who is the inspiration for written languages, too.
Donna Reidland is a freelance writer who has written for many publications, including Virtue, Today's Family, The Single Parent, Vital Christianity, and Youth!